Naturally, my question is: Why don’t you?

From the extensive empirical data I’ve acquired (*sarcasm*), the number one thing that keeps people from venturing out on their own is fear.  The old adage about fear standing for False Evidence Appearing Real is legitimate.  You could probably name at least half a dozen people that have started businesses that weren’t successful.  Some may have even had enormous hardships when the business failed.  If a million businesses are started in America this year, 80% of them will be out of business by next year.

That scary statistic is probably enough to keep anyone off of the entrepreneur’s path.

However, when you dig in a bit deeper to the stories behind those failed businesses you’ll probably find people who were not properly funded, folks with serious family baggage they weren’t able to shed, or just a complete lack of business acumen.  The bottom line is not all entrepreneurs are made equally.

I’ve found that the fear that most employees face when looking at “hanging a shingle” comes from playing out ‘what if’ scenarios in their mind and thinking of the business environment from a negative or lack mentality.  The ‘what if’ scenarios play out in their mind as very real, causing very real emotions, and thus very visceral reactions to the mere thought of getting started.

Here are some examples of the ‘what if’ scenarios:

• What if I lose everything?
• What if the economy goes completely in the crapper?
• What if I have to fire someone?
• What if I get audited by the IRS?
• What if someone steals my idea?

Just ask yourself some of these questions and see what answers your super-creative imagination comes up with.  Are they positive answers or mostly negative ones?  They are almost always overwhelmingly negative and we see all of the horrible, catastrophic consequences of our poor business decisions play out in our mind’s eye.

A good business owner friend of mine has a different strategy.  When figuring out whether or not to make a business decision that could have very large, sweeping consequences, he asks himself: what is the worst that could happen and can I live with that?

The question seems similar but it’s actually posed very differently from the ‘what if’ questions.  By looking at the worst possible thing that could happen, my friend is deciding whether or not he’s willing to take a calculated risk on the business idea.  It’s calculated because he’s looking at both the upside AND the downside potential and determining if he can live with the latter.

If you’re on the entrepreneurial fence, understand that there’s a difference between risk and risky.  It’s a fine line difference, but a difference nonetheless.  It’s risky for someone to open their own business with not enough money in the bank, no formal plan for getting business in the door, and no knowledge of systems creation to make the business easier.  That’s risky.  Yet people do it every day and help contribute to the growing fear of “doing your own thing”.

A risk is taken when leveraging equity out of your home or rental property in order to fund a business that you’ve thoroughly researched and know like the back of your hand.  Or, throwing a business proposal video up on kickstarter.com and getting your entire idea funded through social networks — that’s a nice calculated risk with very little downside.

Risk is that thing to be avoided most of the time but we take risks everyday and think nothing of it.  Next time you’re on the interstate, just think about how long the truck driver next to you has been awake.  If he or she veers your direction, it could be lights out.  Seems risky to me.

How about that teenage driver with the cell phone?  Risk.

I know people that play the lottery every week, betting hundreds and sometimes thousands of dollars in hopes that they’ll win the big payday.  Risk.

What’s funny about risk is that it generally looks a whole lot smaller once you’ve gotten to the other side.  Starting your own gig seems like a huge risk, but ask anyone who’s gotten past year 1 or 2 and they’ll tell you it was really no big deal.

My grandfather had a saying about just such an experience:

Stop pole-vaulting over mouse turds.

We tend to make the reasons NOT to do something so great in our minds that getting over them seems monumental.  When we finally do it, we look back and say, “well that wasn’t so bad.”  You can start your own business, but only if you take calculated risks in doing so.  There’s no need to pole-vault over mouse turds… but you might need to learn to high jump.

Succeed Faster could be one of those events that is life altering and could be the difference in the career you choose, the amount of money you make, and the happiness you receive in knowing the people you met at the conference.

I have attached a brief article from a colleague of mine at Monster.com, Ian Christie, who spells out the top 10 reasons to invest in your career.

10 Reasons to Invest in Your Career

Not investing in yourself is like floating down a fast river without a paddle, map or knowledge of what’s around the next bend. Things may go fine for a while, but at some point, you’re going to realize you made a giant mistake.

To avoid such unforeseen disaster, you need to make a proactive and thoughtful investment in a plan for achieving your career — and life — goals.

And if that isn’t enough to convince you, here are 10 reasons that investing in your career is a must:

1. It’s the Greatest Return on Investment, Anywhere

The return on investing and improving yourself is astronomically higher than any financial investment you could make. From increased lifetime earning power and unimagined opportunities, to protecting yourself from unemployment and the satisfaction that comes from personal growth and success, the returns are enormous.

2. You’re the Boss of You

If you’re the president and CEO of You Inc., then it’s your job to ensure you don’t go out of business. It’s your job to nurture growth and prosperity. You do this by planning carefully, performing consistently, operating true to your mission and investing in You Inc.

3. You Become More Valuable

Draw up two balance sheets for yourself. On the first, list your financial assets and liabilities. On the second, list your skills, ideas, knowledge, marketability, personal networks, passion and ability to make things happen. Increase your personal net worth by investing in your second list — that’s how you’ll increase the assets on your first list.

4. You Can Become Great

You are capable of greatness. Most of us settle for just getting by, using a fraction of our capabilities. This is tragic. Realize your greatness by identifying your talents and investing in your potential.

5. You Can Achieve Your Goals

Your career and life goals are far too important to be just wishes. A mismanaged career can derail your life goals. Investing in yourself dramatically increases the probability of achieving your goals and is a real demonstration of your commitment to achieving them.

6. You Create Your Own Future

Your career is yours to mold. Investing in yourself gives you the clarity, power and tools to create your own future and take the path less traveled. Sometimes, investing means taking a risk, but that’s the price of entry for success and happiness.

7. Because the World Is a Complex Place

You cannot know everything you need to know or do everything you need to do alone. You can’t be your best without help. Find and invest in those who can teach you, show you the way and help you achieve your goals.

8. Life Is Too Short for Mediocrity

You don’t have the luxury of being mediocre — period. Whether you opt for self-improvement or outsourcing your weak areas to someone who can do them better, determine where you are mediocre and get help.

9. It’s a Cliche, But on Your Deathbed…

The reason we hear this often is that it is so true. The passage of time will provide a perspective we don’t have now. One day, you’ll look back at your problems and successes and see them as bumps in the road. Your focus will be on the big picture: the life you led, opportunities pursued or abandoned, how happy you were, and the legacy you left behind. Investing in yourself will give you the courage and determination to be happy and do your own thing.

10. Who Else Can You Count On?

Let’s face it: You’re alone on this. No one has as much to gain or lose as you do. No one else is going to make those consistent investments in your development to maximize your career and life.

How to Invest in Your Career

Invest in understanding yourself better and developing your goals, plans, professional skills, knowledge, career management skills, networks, and your personal brand and profile. Do it yourself, or pay experts to do it for you.

Try thinking, attending events, building a supportive network of peers, planning, self-assessment tools, goal development, reading, consulting experts, getting coached, taking courses, upgrading or acquiring skills, and proactively marketing yourself. Recognize that investing in yourself often requires that you don’t play it safe.

Too often, people get stuck.  They forget how to dream or lose the excitement of setting a goal and feeling the sense of accomplishment when that goal or dream is achieved.

This blog is about a simple way to help you build the excitement of goal setting and dreaming big through the use of a Dream Board or Vision Board.  Just like planning for a vacation.  You figure out what you want to accomplish, achieve or experience in your life and then research ways to achieve it.  You identify pictures or words or phrases that motivate you and simply place them on a board.  In addition to being exciting, it is also a way to keep yourself accountable and focused on your goals.

Here are a few steps to use in making your dream or vision board.

1. Identify your goal. What do you want to accomplish or experience in your life. Dream Big.  If you want to live in Italy, go skydiving, get an MBA from Harvard, help save lives or start a non-profit.  These are your dreams, so make them big.
2. Gather materials. You can either use magazines or image websites. If you choose to use magazines, you should use different types, covering all the topics that you are interested in. All together, you want to get images that remind you of your goals and ambitions, that you can get motivated looking at.
3. Cut out images. Go through each magazine and cut out any random pictures that appeal to you. Allow your mind to wander and follow your instinct. Find bright, colorful images that make you feel fantastic, ambitious or motivated. Try to minimize the words that you cut out. Images are more powerful.

You will need lots of different types of magazines. You are going to look for pictures that either show how you want to feel, where you want to go or want you want to have. If you don’t have many magazines search for pictures on Google and print them out.

*Go crazy here, really go out on a limb. If you want to live on the ocean in a beautiful house, find a picture of that house on the ocean. Look for pictures that really light you up inside when you look at them.

If you want to lose weight find a picture of the physique you want to have.

If you want to travel cut out or print out pictures of the places you want to go. Find pictures of someone doing the things you want to do, sailing or skiing, climbing a mountain or hiking. Anything you cut out is great as long as it inspires and motivates you. If you want to get married, cut out a bride and groom or a wedding picture.

If you want to write a book, look for pictures of a computer with someone typing. If you can’t find the pictures you are looking for in a magazine you can do a image search and find the pictures online and then print.

Get a picture of yourself you really like, where you are happy and feel good. You are going to paste this in the middle of the board.

Have fun and dream big. This is really important. You are now taking an exciting step towards seeing and feeling the life you want.

1. Purchase a board. A magnet board or a large blank painting canvas that is attached on a timber frame and paper glue. These are inexpensive and available at a local art store.
2. Place the dream board. Put this dream/vision board somewhere you will see it everyday. Spend at least five minutes every morning and five minutes every night before bed looking at your dream board.

Take your time and feel the emotion the picture is invoking in you. Notice the type of colors that are on your board, they should inspire and stimulate your creative center. Take in the energy you feel when you look at all the wonderful places you will be traveling to.

Now… expect these wonderful things or something better to happen in the appropriate time. The magic from your board will generate and manifest itself into something amazing.  You just need to let the magic happen.

Of the two greatest expenses we have in life — taxes and the interest expense on debt — the first you have either a whole bunch of control over OR no control over, depending on how you choose to be paid.

How you choose to be paid is a tad misleading… if you are working for a company, you will more than likely be paid as a W2 employee.  W2 employees fill out a W4 form that lists their dependents, how much should be held back for taxes, and if they are tax exempt.  As a standard rule of thumb, the fewer dependents you list on your W4 form, the MORE taxes Uncle Scam will pull out.  If you have very few deductions when filling out your tax return, you might get a little (or a lot) back as a refund.  If you have plenty of deductions (things like mortgage interest, student loan interest, non-reimbursable travel expenses for work, etc.) then you’re going to be looking at a pretty substantial refund.

For someone with lots of dependents, the amount of money that’s held back for personal taxes is considerably less.  At the end of the year, if they’ve planned properly, they’ll owe little to no money in taxes.  They probably won’t get much back either.

So what’s a person to do to maximize their income earned?

For starters, consider doing work as an independent contractor where you’re paid whatever amount you agree upon with no taxes taken out.  At the end of the year you’ll receive a 1099 listing the amount you made and it will be up to you to cover the taxes due.  Keep in mind you may be on the hook for self-employment taxes which can take a bite out of your overall income (if not planned properly).

If that seems a bit daunting, the key is educating yourself about what can be written off and what can’t.  A major turning point in my life when it came to working for myself or working for someone else was finding a mentor in the tax world.  For the past 15 years I’ve been working with an absolute tax-master.  He’s completed tens of thousands of tax returns in the past 40 years, but probably more impressive is the fact that when a tax law changes, he dives headlong into the changes to see how it will effect his clients.

What I’ve learned in my years of working with this professional is the deeper your understanding of the system, the more ways of minimizing your overall liability there are.  We’re not talking about *shirking* the system, but about legally setting up your affairs so that you pay the least amount necessary.  For the record, I’m all about paying every dime that I legally owe, but not one red cent more.

The key word to pull from the previous paragraph is learned. You can’t just know this stuff like some people realize they can play music by ear.  It’s learned, oftentimes through trial and error, making mistakes, attending conferences, and hanging out with wickedly smart entrprepreneurs, tax planners, and accountants.

Are they dry?  Sometimes.

Are they money savvy?  Always.

While I would never blindly steer someone into working for themselves, I can honestly say that making the leap for me from a corporate soldier to an entrepreneur was one of the most challenging and rewarding things I’ve ever done.

For a great resource to learn more about keeping more of the money you make, check out this book by Robert Kiyosaki and his advisors:

1. Assuming That Your Passion Is Contagious

Whether you’re pitching to investors, motivating employees, or selling your product, be sensitive to the kind of response you are getting from your audience. Your enthusiasm is not always contagious.  Entrepreneurs often get carried away with their own ideas and really don’t understand why others are not as passionate.  In fact, I have seen where that blind passion gets in the way of hearing the constructive criticism that investors, business advisors and mentors offer.

2. Ignoring Strong and Tough Criticism

Being an entrepreneur is a tough road and having the ability to hear ideas and criticisms can often be the difference between success and failure.  I am not saying you need to listen to all of the jealous criticism, but I am suggesting that good entrepreneurs will be given good advice and need to develop the ability to listen to this advice and implement where needed.   The ability to take that strong criticism may counteract the failure to learn, which can bring down any start-up. When things don’t go according to plan, the critical advice you receive could help build a better idea….a better company.

3. Be Honest with Yourself and Give It Your All.

I have seen many half-assed entrepreneurs, those entrepreneurs who want to play business but not actually do the business.  Starting a company takes a level of dedication that many people do not have.  This level of dedication differentiates the successful ones from the posers.  If you speak to any successful entrepreneur, they would tell you that their idea has consumed their days. They have invested their time, energy and resources and have dedicated their passion to making their idea a success.  Too often, I receive ideas from people who think starting a company is easy and will come quickly.  These are the people who fail fast and should consider other employment options.  True entrepreneurs are ready and willing to dedicate their life, in the short term, to getting the company off the ground.

These are just a few areas to consider if you really want to take your idea to the next level.

As always, I would love to hear any business ideas and help where I can.  Email me at Tim@succeedfaster.com

And in the end, I sold her for $350 for scrap parts.

In October of 2001, I bought a 1999 Oldsmobile Intrigue.  Off the top of my head, I’m not sure exactly what I paid for it, but I’m thinking it was around $13,000.  It had just over 50,000 miles on it.

In May of 2012, I sold the Oldsmobile Intrigue to my mechanic for $350.  It had just over 179,000 miles on it.

You’re probably thinking “wait a minute – that’s 11 years!”  I know, I know… way too long to have a car, but hear me out on this.

My intent was to drive the car for a handful of years and eventually get something newer, nicer, and more schnazzy.  But the damn thing ran like a top for so many years with NO problems that I just couldn’t justify spending money on something else.  Plus, after awhile it just became a challenge to see how long it would go.  All the while, I was squirreling money away for a new car purchase.

People have said to me before, “I’ll always have a car payment.  It’s just something I’ve accepted.”

My take is somewhat different.  I can’t stand making payments on anything besides real estate.  The thought now of financing a depreciating asset just doesn’t jive with my money philosophy.

So, after a few years of researching, reading, studying cars.com, waiting for the right deal to come along, I finally found it.   The car I’ll now drive for the next 5-7 years.  And what’s incredibly awesome is knowing that I stroked a check for it and it’s all mine.

It’s a lifestyle choice, right?  Some people decide that they’re going to get their dream car and stretch out the financing of that vehicle as long as they possibly can to swing the payment.  Or, maybe it’s just a lease — and then 3 years from now you go in for a new one.

To explain me driving a car for almost a dozen years, I made a LIFE choice.  My choice was to minimize the monthly amount that was spent on vehicle payments in exchange for putting more money away, investing in real estate, and saving for my kids’ college.

Choices are everywhere.  And there aren’t right or wrong ones necessarily, but they do all tend to have consequences.

What choices will you make to create a bigger LIFE, not a bigger lifestyle?

I know that you are thinking, why is Tim defending Corporate America?  During these recent economic challenges, companies around the world have not helped their reputation with corporate layoffs, global outsourcing and the sense of instability within the companies.  However, let’s not stereotype all companies and therefore impugn Corporate America.  There are good companies and bad companies and I firmly believe it comes down to the company’s culture and opportunities the firm can provide. My company employs about 350 people in 14 offices around the country and our corporate culture is what makes Atwell, a great place to work. Are we Corporate America or is Corporate America only the Fortune 500 companies?

When I asked a recent candidate why they were leaving their position within a Fortune 500 company, they replied, the culture was stagnant, the company did not want to hear any ideas, there was no opportunity for growth and the person felt they did not have any leadership support. I have heard these answers a number of times about corporate environments, but I have also heard people describe Google’s culture as a great place or Groupon’s office environment as a blast.

I have heard many descriptions about Corporate America that are often brutal, opinionated accounts of how difficult it is to obtain true personal freedom whilst working under the close eye of Big Brother. But is the corporate climate really that bad? Or is there something else lurking beneath the surface?

Not all corporate environments chain you to a desk for 10 hours a day and force you to stare at a computer. Some companies are changing the corporate environments and changing the world in a positive way.  Is Apple, Google or Facebook considered Corporate America? Is Charity Water, a nonprofit organization supplying water to the world, Corporate America?  When does a start-up become a company?  Let’s not forget that every corporate entity was founded, launched or grown by an entrepreneur with an entrepreneurial spirit that created a product or service that solves a problem or meets a need in the market.

Why the Bad Rap?

In many instances, corporate employment can feel extremely stifling. It is true that some companies boast a more attractive corporate culture than others. That will most definitely have something to do with how comfortable employees are in their jobs. But the disdain that people have for the corporate environment in general seems to stem from a fundamental dissatisfaction in where their life paths have brought them. It is ironic that the people who seek autonomy the least are those who have the most complaints about the way businesses are typically run. But as long as there are more consumers than producers in the world, there will always be a corporate environment. And as long as there is a corporate world, there will always be those who want to abolish it.

I recently read in the Huffington Post that Michelle Obama spoke to a group of women in Zanesville, Ohio and provided, perhaps the best example of the worst career advice I’ve heard in a long time. She said, “Don’t go into Corporate America.  You know, become teachers. Work for the community . . . move out of the money-making industry into the helping industry. . .”

This kind of thinking sets up a false, and from the perspective of young job seekers, potentially misleading dichotomy between organizations that make money and those that help people.  In reality, most business organizations – large and small – help people in many ways.  They provide jobs, fringe benefits, contribute to the community in time and money, and, not incidentally, most pay taxes.

Advice to job seekers to stay away from Corporate America is bad advice. There is no common definition of what is actually meant by this thing called “Corporate America.”  Some use the term to focus on large, Wall Street type firms while others use it as a blanket expression for all for-profit businesses. In either case the connotation is usually knee-jerk negative and associated with half-baked stereotypes of greed and ruthlessness.  There is nothing wrong with making a profit – in our economic system, it is the currency of the realm – and without robust business organizations, our society would crumble. Again, it is the company’s culture that makes it a great or bad place to work.

Many influential entrepreneurs reference author Ayn Rand’s philosophy of objectivism as outlined in her novel, Atlas Shrugged, as a way to understand the necessity of a profit based system.  It is a heavy read, a bit dated, and challenging to read with today’s sound bite culture.  That’s unfortunate, because it vividly illustrates the cultural disintegration that takes place when everyone abandons “money making” and adopts “helping” with no profit oriented infrastructure.

All the more reason to encourage some of our best and brightest to venture into that ill-defined place labeled Corporate America.  We need them there and unless we want to make Ann Rand’s nightmarish vision a reality, we need to stop unfairly stereotyping Corporate America as a land of greed, evil, and ruthlessness.

If you are just entering the full-time job market, think long and hard before you reject hitching your wagon to Corporate America.  Find a company culture that rewards entrepreneurs, encourages learning and supports personal and professional growth.   For instance, my company tries to engage the team and encourage everyone to make an impact.  As an example, we have a bonus program that rewards team members to get engaged.  Whether it is $3000 for an employee referral, $100 for an idea, $2000 for a business lead or $10,000 for a Big idea that generates $1M, the goal is to reward engagement.

The point that I am trying to make is that I consider myself an entrepreneur and have helped build a company that rewards driven people who want to be part of something.  Many corporations do the same thing.  You just need to find one that matches what you want, need and desire in a dream job.

Are you the type of person who lives life as it comes or are you the type of person that makes choices to move your life in a specific direction?

You make every single choice in your life and you are responsible for all of it. There are people who believe that they are victims in life and suffer from bad luck and circumstances and lack control.  These people will never break the mold and will forever live a stagnant life and not live the life that they want to love.  Even if you make a bad choice, chalk it up as a lesson and try to avoid the same decision in the future.  But understand this….You are responsible for your choices, how to react to a situation and how you plan to live.  Here are a few guidelines that I follow:

1)  Make a choice to be responsible for your own life

You cannot dodge responsibility for how and why your life is the way it is. Take ownership of your own life. If there are things in your life that you don’t like; you probably made a wrong choice somewhere. You have the control to make choices and live with the results good and bad.  This includes your debt, your career, where you live, who you date, who you hang out with and who you marry; you are responsible.

There is absolutely no reason to blame others, act as a victim or regret the past.  Just learn from it and move on.

2) Choose to love your special unique traits and attributes.

We all bring something unique to the table and have attributes that make us special.  The key is to know yours and leverage these skills or attributes whenever possible. Remember, you are extraordinary because you are one-of-a-kind. When you have even a little self-love and self-worth; you will start developing positive habits that will positivity impact your life.

3) Make a choice to acknowledge your goals in life.

What do you want to accomplish?  “Where are you now?” Think of your life as a GPS system in your vehicle that must have two pieces of information to function. First, it must know your destination, and second, it must know your current location.

You have to get real about where you are in your life and get brutally honest with yourself. Look at the areas that aren’t working for you and stop making excuses. Look at the areas that are working and identify the choices you made that make it possible.

Life is never too bad to fix and it is never too late to fix it. 

4) Make a choice to take action

Once you’ve made some decisions, you have to act. Nobody cares about what you think unless they see you do something. Talk is cheap; being a doer and finisher determines the course of your life. Take all your revelations, insights and awareness and convert them into purposeful and constructive actions. That is when your life will gain value and meaning.

Realizing you have to change might be painful, but staying where you are and not doing a thing is more painful. I have often said, “Life is like a house plant.  You are either growing or you are dying.  Staying constant is not an option because the rest of the world is moving around you.”

5) Choose to be a sponge

Life is a long journey and you are going to learn something new every single day.  I don’t care how big or small, you will learn something you did not know yesterday. You need to make the decision to be observant and open to learning.  Be a sponge and learn everything you can about everything you can.  Life can be amazing and sometimes we all go through life just trying to get through the day.  Break that mold now, and wake up every morning and tell yourself, “Today is a new day of the rest of my life, what will I learn that I can apply and grow.”

One of my consulting clients is a medium sized organization that holds A LOT of meetings.  They frequently request that I attend the meetings to share some information about the projects I’m working on, and I happily (and truthfully, grudgingly) comply.  I find that meetings are a great time for me to crank out an updated to-do list, prioritize what I need to get done, and brainstorm next steps.  Essentially, meetings allow me to re-focus my attention and energy on what needs to be done.

Once I get my to-do list knocked out, my email blasts scheduled, my personal must-do list from home, and play a couple of rounds of Words With Friends, my attention usually then comes around to how the hell much is this meeting costing the company?

If you take the meeting I attended today where a good solid 30 people were gathered, I assume that most of the folks in the room were making at least $40,000 a year.  Add in benefits and retirement packages and they are all easily at $50,000.  A person making $50k a year is making roughly $25 an hour.  ($50,000 / 2080 hours).  The meeting today was about 5 hours, so if you take 30 people x $25/hr x 5 hours, you’d get an approximate cost of the meeting coming in at: $3,750.  This doesn’t factor in the opportunity cost of the time lost, the mileage reimbursement, lunch catered in, or the fact that a day-long meeting on Thursday usually means a vacation day on Friday resulting in more work stoppage.

It’s crazy.

Die-hard meeting enthusiasts will tell me I’m crazy and you can’t break down the times and expenses like this, but if I were the owner of a company that regularly wasted thousands of dollars on meetings, you better believe they’d be clamped down on.

One of the best ideas I’ve ever heard was the company that did away with conference tables in exchange for high-top rounds that everyone stood at.   Because there were NO chairs in the room, the meetings lasted about 20 minutes tops.  Everyone came prepared with agendas and left with to-do’s and the work was accomplished… without spending thousands on wasted time.

I think being an entrepreneur and solopreneur for so long has given me an unusual grasp at time-wasting.  Believe me, I can waste time with the best of them, but much of my time wasting is scheduled.  I like to grab my guitar and play every now and again.  I enjoy watching certain videos on YouTube or tuning into a webinar by marketers that I model.  I’ll even sneak in a movie here and there.

But to sit in a room and listen to people drone on about stuff that has no applicability to my tasks, my income, or my interests is like going to a really bad high school play without knowing any of the actors.  At some point, you’re bound to ask yourself, “why the hell am I sitting here?”

Next time you’re called into a meeting, offer up this excuse:

“I would really like to know the outcome of the meeting, but due to a number of projects that I’m working diligently on, would you mind if I focus on completing those instead?  Nikki in HR said she’d take copious notes for me…”

I think your time is more valuable.  I know mine is.

So often, people go through life living in the “what if” and look back at aspects of their life with regrets.  I recently read a blog from Bonnie Ware about regrets that people voiced when faced with death.  It touched me and I hope you it impacts you in the same way.

Excerpt from Bonnie Ware

REGRETS OF THE DYING

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honor at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.